While I was out for wings with a friend of mine recently, she told me a story about a camping trip she and her boyfriend had recently gone on with a group of other couples; August Long Weekend, if you give a fuck. The interesting thing about this particular group of couples on this camping trip, was that they were all in different stages: you had your newly-coupled, and you had your “I stopped caring two years ago.” The way my friend, being with her boyfriend for five years, said it as she watched the couples who had clearly been together one year or less – you had your ones versus your fives.
Ones. Oh, to be in the throes of the ones. The stage where you’re actually aware of whether or not you need to shave your legs at any given moment, and you still pervertedly enjoy doing nice things for the other person. You know … because you like them.
Fives. By now you’ve learned exactly what pisses the other person off, and on a good day you actually try to avoid doing that. You’ve tested so many boundaries that you’re legitimately more disgusting around that person than you are alone.
Now, as I’m sure you can imagine, I can’t stop labeling couples as I walk around just living life. For instance, I’ll see a guy shopping with a girl, holding her hand and (here’s the giveaway) smiling. Ones. I’ll turn the corner and see two people who clearly haven’t showered in at least two days silently eating an obscene amount of food in the food court together … fives.
My problem is, I don’t want to become a five, but I don’t want to always stay a one; I think the ideal to get to is a two or a three. Like, you guys can laugh about a poorly (or well, depending on your point of view) timed fart, but details never, EVER have to be given after anything has happened behind closed doors … ever. I won’t wake up to put makeup on before you, but I’ll at least shave my legs if I’m wearing a dress. Comfortable enough to call the other person out on their shit, but still smitten enough to overlook the stupid little things.
Yep. Aim for the middle, people.