Despite the title of this blog, we rarely (re: never) actually post about the act of defecating. And for that, you’re welcome. That being said, I still felt somewhat obligated to post this… just… because:
So there’s that.
Shout outs to the Reformed Whores. You’re doing God’s work, ladies.
S.
There is no hyperbole here, people. This is gospel. Part 1 is here. (Note that it was written in January of 2009 and yep – STILL INDISPUTABLE, BRO.)
Telling people in great detail about the “crazy” dream you had last night is a form of torture and you don’t want to be a torturer, do you? Unless I was in your dream doing something awesome, or you’re one of the two people closest to me on this planet, or your dream was fucking hilarious, I would rather hear about how gassy you were whilst giving an important presentation to the boss over the irrelevant and nonsensical actions of your subconscious.
It’s difficult to rock white sunglasses without looking like a total asshole. The problem is that the white plastic rim is such a direct contrast to the black lenses that it looks like your face is screaming I’M WEARING SUNGLASSES. Which, clearly, is not the point of sunglasses.
Googling this made me hate myself.
Being alone feels really awesome. You should do it more often.
Putting grated cheese on popcorn has made me a better human being.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is such a BABE. I’ve had a crush on him since 3rd Rock from the Sun (who didn’t) but as he gets older he continues to not only get hotter, but also more awesome. Well played, JGL.
I'm so sexy and good at stuff.
Real books are better than a Kindle. Forever and always.
Joffrey Baratheon is such a little piece of shit. I’m still so mad about that, you guys. Like…WTF was he trying to prove? Guess what Joffrey, you’re an incest baby. How does that feel, huh?! Who lets a frigging 12 year old be a king and make king decisions anyways? NED WAS AN HONEST AND NOBLE MAN.
Great. Now I’m too upset to even finish this blog post. I BID YOU ADIEU.
S.
Kenny vs. Spenny is the closest thing our modern civilization has to hypnosis. Your entire body wants to look away because you know what you are viewing will send you to the seventh layer of hell, but for some reason you cannot stop watching.
People who drive yellow cars are assholes.
The gladiator sandal trend is getting out of fucking hand.
SPARTAAAAAA
George Costanza is the greatest TV character of all time.
Benjamin Bratt is the epitome of handsome.
7 out of the next 10 people you see out at a club wearing glasses don’t actually need glasses.
Stop it, you have 20/20 vision you fuck.
(BTW, as I was trying to find a picture to steal for this I came upon this magical blog and decided they were so awesome I couldn’t steal from them.)
Nobody at work wants to hear what you actually did on the weekend.
80% of people who wear Che Guevara t-shirts have no idea who he is, what he did or what he stood for.
Cats have the best life out of any creature on the planet.
Fat women probably put deodorant under their titties.
If you expect my bra and panties to match don’t show up in boxers with holes.
K. doesn’t care about your feelings, that’s why she doesn’t post as much as she should.
Peeing feels awesome!
Brad Pitt should seriously commit to only taking comedic roles.
We've got your SHIT man!
S.
