Tag Archives: Woman Crushes

Boobs

25 Mar

As you can tell by some of my previous confessions, I have woman crushes. Not so much in the, I wanna get tipsy and experiment way (although I’m not ruling that out just yet) but more in the, I wanna BE you or at least smell your hair way. Which, I’m pretty sure after just typing it, is equally as creepy.

Regardless, I love being a woman and I love women. My women crushes (besides Kim K) are as follows.

#1 – Eva Mendes

Eva has been my number one woman crush for years now. She’s freakishly beautiful to me. If I was a live action role playing kind of geek, I’d get a Second Life account and pretend to be her. Plus, she doesn’t try to hide the fact that she’s Latina (ALBA). “I feel I’ll take on the responsibility of showing the world a whole different kind of Latin woman.” Church.

#2 – Keri Hilson

I should get paid to stan for Keri the way I do. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten this girl more fans than her actual publicist. KERI. You hear that?! Holler. Keri has been making moves as a songwriter since 2001 and has written for Mary J. Blige, Chris Brown, Ciara, Toni Braxton, J.Lo, Timbaland just to name a few. The release of her solo album “In a Perfect World…” was pushed back and pushed back and it finally dropped (OMG OMG OMG, etc) YESTERDAY.

BONUS: Here’s the video for Keri’s song “Turnin’ Me On” featuring Lil Wayne and a bunch of gorgeous, shirtless men. Giggity.

#3 – Salma Hayek

Three words for you – post. baby. boobs. Actually, I don’t even think this picture is post-baby and look at those babies. Salma is the only woman that I would allow my boyfriend to touch if the opportunity ever presented itself, on the condition that I am present, and also touching. (I’m dead serious, we’ve had this talk.) Oh, yeah and she’s like, the first Mexican national to be nominated for a Best Actress Oscar, a talented director and producer, an advocate for raising awareness twoards violence against women and discrimination against immigrants, yadda yadda ya.

#4 – Natalie Portman

What’s hotter than a hot smart chick? A hot smart boy? Okay, yeah. Maybe. But yo, Natalie Portman is SMART. And hot. What other Hollywood breezy would skip the premiere of Star Wars: Episode I to study for her high school final exams? She then went on to graduate from Harvard and pursued graduate studies at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem (where she was born). She’s been a research assistant in a psychology lab, co-authored two research papers which were published in scientific journals, went to Rwanda to film a documentary…..you know, no bigs.

#5 – The Washington Redskins Cheerleaders

HEY, I found my keys!

HEY, I found my keys!

Yep – the whole squad. Why? Because I love cheerleaders (the ones who can actually dance, that is…but I blame that more on the choreographers). But I’m convinced the Redskins Cheerleaders are hotter than any other squad until I’m shown clear evidence otherwise. Plus, if you go and read their bios – they actually have personalities. And the majority of them have stories about how they got into football, whether in childhood through family tradition or in college. Yeah – cause they went to college. How ’bout that!

Alright, that’s quite enough for now. Stay tuned for an upcoming post featuring my man crushes. Unless, of course, you’re not into that kinda thing. Do girls even READ this blog? Whatever.

S.

Confessions of a Pretty Girl [Episode 1]

15 Mar

What better place to cleanse your soul of dirty secrets than on the Internet – the most safe and private place I know of!

I can’t hold this in anymore. Whenever the subject comes up I bite my tongue, ashamed of my true feelings. It’s not something most people would expect, I don’t know how it happened and it doesn’t make any sense but…

I LOVE KIM KARDASHIAN.

Oh God. There! I said it. I feel……..the same. Slightly aroused, slightly ashamed. Bahuhuh!

WTF right? She’s spoiled, seemingly superficial and famous for nothing besides a sex tape and a big ol’ butt. Not exactly the typical woman I swoon over; the majority whom are not only beautiful but also smart, talented and making a significant difference in the world. So for both your sake and my own, let me attempt to defend myself.

The Case for Kim:

First of all, she is stunning. Always. Constantly. On the beach (Fig. 1), out partying (Fig. 2) or going to the gym sans makeup (Fig. 3). And if being physically attractive isn’t a good enough reason to love somebody then I suggest you all take a good, hard look at about 90% of your relationships, whether with friends or lovers, and get back to me.

Fig. 1

Yes, I am a goddess. Worship me.

Fig. 2

kim1

Fig. 3

kim2

Kim shits on Paris Hilton – what’s not to love about THAT? Two girls from rich families. Naturally, they become BFFs. Both make the decision to get banged on tape. But while Kim’s tape made her look hot as hell (albeit a little lazy but I blame that on Ray J’s overachieving ass), Paris’ tape made her look like a cheap blow up doll that magically came to life in room full of green sour gas. While Paris tried to make hers look like a sneaky tape that happened to get leaked out to the public, Kim was working that camera in full colour like it was a gatdamn music video. As the clothes drop, egos clash and suddenly the two are rivals. Paris is getting more stale (and annoying) by the minute and it’s discovered that the girl has herpes. Boo hoo. As she bounces around sucking face with rich douchebag after rich douchebag, she finally realizes that she must go overseas to find both a new BFF and any shreds left of her relevancy. Kim, however, goes on to get a reality show with her family, opens a clothing store with her siblings and gets into a stable, loving relationship.

Garbage, meet Goddess.

On her website, she has regular blog entries called “Hot Pics” which are usually little features of other beautiful women that Kim admires. Not catty, spiteful gossip or rumors. Admiration and respect for other beautiful, smart and talented women. Preach.

Lastly, she hasn’t tried to convince us that she has any real significant talent. She did star in Disaster Movie, which was a spoof of disaster films so it doesn’t count as a serious stab at acting. On Dancing with the Stars, she was (fairly) voted off quite early. Kim has wisely stuck to ventures that will maker her more money and that pretty much anyone can do: sex tapes, workout videos, reality television and perfume. Brilliant.

Case closed.

I love all the Internet Tough Guys out there who like to run their mouths about Kim Kardashian, about her being “used goods” after the sex tape and claiming that they would never “wife” her because of it. When in reality, these are the guys who jack off nightly to thoughts of Kim and would go to the ends of the earth for her to even blink in their general direction. Anyways, in the face of a trillion haters Kim goes out and lands herself Reggie Bush, one of the sexiest men of all time.

kimreggie

Also, I’m absolutely convinced Kim has a great PR/marketing team behind her. Her website features pictures, videos, a store and regular blog posts about Kim’s style and life. She’s actually got somebody occasionally replying to the comments that are made. Because it can’t actually be her that replies………right?

RIGHT?!?!?!!!!

Anyways, enough. ENOUGH.

I love Kim Kardashian. Kiss my ass.

S.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 27 other followers